Playtrek Gazette Star Trek: Insurrection -- Special Edition ST:I Opening Day, December 11, 1998 Contact us at: playtrek@hotmail.com Gathered using the special powers and privileges granted to members of the press, the Playtrek Gazette brings you exclusive news on the latest Star Trek motion picture event on this, its opening day, and the toys spawned from this epic. NEW ENTERPRISE SHIP A playtrekker reported several days ago that their new Star Trek: Insurrection Enterprise starship toy from Playmates came with two left nacelles. Naturally, they assumed that this was a simple packaging mistake. Based on the sneak preview of the new movie offered to our reporters, however, the Playtrek Gazette can now report that this is actually based on events in the movie. A pivotal element of the story line involves the refurbishing of the Enterprise after its Borg-inflicted beating in First Contact. Unfortunately, an engineering mistake causes two left nacelles to be installed on the ship. Fully one third of the movie is devoted to scenes involving the Enterprise spinning donuts in the starship "parking lot" out front of Spacedock 54, and the crews frantic efforts to alleviate the problem. Reportedly, these scenes were added for financial reasons. Said our insider studio source: "After paying Spiner's and Stewart's salaries, our budget was almost halved. Then we had to pay a hefty sum to movie director and star Frakes to lure him away from his gig as host of FOX television's "Really Spooky and Unbelievable Tales of Ghosts and Stuff". So we filmed the Enterprise donut scene and just re-ran the film loop about a hundred times. We're hoping that no one notices." PICARD'S WACKY "HAIR" -- Reported by Charles Apple. Comedic relief in the new film is offered by the antics of Captain Picard's new "hair". Picard's "hair" in the new film is actually a tribble-like alien species that Picard adopts as a pet. In the film it is usually content to perch atop the good Captain's bald pate and carry on conversations in pidgin English with him and the rest of the bridge crew. During times of distress, however, the alien "hair" squeals, jumps up and down and somersaults around atop Picard's head, causing him to appear to literally flip his wig. The effect is hilarious, with Picard's hair doing a Saint Vitus dance while the heat of battle sends the ship into a dither. Playmates plans to release a talking version of the Hairby in the near future as a KayBee exclusive. Demand is expected to be extremely high for this limited edition toy. NEW NINE INCH FIGURES -- The first wave of the new 9-inch figures have begun to hit the stores in support of the new movie. Some of the figures come with odd-looking accessories that are weapons used by the evil Sonof aB' aliens in the movie. These "weapons" are actually alien boom-boxes that the Sonof aB' turn up really loud, annoying other civilizations off of their planets. The new Data figure looks particularly groovy walking around with the alien boombox on his shoulder. NEW LAFORGE FIGURE -- Exhaustive investigation by the staff of the Playtrek Gazette has failed to turn up a reason for why the new 9-inch figure of Geordi LaForge looks so goofy. Our investigation is continuing, though. MOVIE TIE-INS FEW AND FAR BETWEEN -- So far, with the notable exceptions of the new toy line from Playmates, the fast food and other merchandising tie-ins with the new movie have been few and far between. Said a fast food spokesman: "Trek just doesn't generate the interest it once did. Besides, right now we are in the midst of our successful "A Bug's Life" promotion." [Editor's note: Playtrek Gazette staff found the new Flik MacFlurree, reportedly made with real ants, particularly tasty, though the Heimlich MacFlurree, with it's larger and juicier chunks was less to our liking.] Reportedly, a major cosmetic company is also about to release a face-peel product based on the Insurrection movie. NO 4.5-INCH FIGURES FOR NEW MOVIE -- Playmates will, for whatever reason, not release a separate line of 4.5-inch figures in support of the new movie. Said a Playmates spokesperson: "Fans of the 4.5-inch line won't be left out in the cold, however. Since the uniforms in the new film are almost the same as the ones in the First Contact film, these fans can use the 4.5-inch figures released to support First Contact to... D'OH!" SPOILER FOR NEXT MOVIE -- Our sources have learned that in the next film, the Federation is running out of the strategic mineral shinium, which is used to replicate all those funky, futuristic shiny handtowels and bedsheets that Starfleet personnel are so fond of. The search for a new source of this mineral sets off another unbelievable adventure. "Star Trek: The Search for Bath and Bed Linens" is slated to be released in 2002. Look for the Holiday Gala Issue of the Playtrek Gazette in your mailboxes soon!