Playtrek Gazette 
"Critical Mass" Special Issue 
September 1999 

As with any publication, we've received our fair share of reader mail 
throughout the year.  Some complimentrary, some negative, some just weird. 
Representative examples include: 

"Hey!  You guys are not funny." 

"I'm tired of reading mail from people complaining about Bill Eggler's 
complaining.  But I'm not complaining, mind you." 

"I sent you money 3 months ago and I still haven't recieved my Transporter 
Yar figure.  Where is it?  Don't make me come after you." 

"Damn you Playtrek for canceling the 9 and 12 inch Locutus figures!" 

"The advice in the "Home remedies for pets" article in the last issue didn't 
work.  My bassett hound, Admiral Kirk, is more flatulent than ever." 

"Hey!  You guys are still not funny.  Pay attention.  I told you the same 
thing 3 months ago." 

In response to the first and last complaints, we've always had an open door 
policy with respect to article submissions, and have politely asked all our 
critics to send in articles of their own, so that we may be enlightened as 
to what is actually funny and what isn't.  We've collected all those article 
submissions from our critics over the last year and a half and present them 
here for your amusement.  So brace yourselves, 'cause here they are: 








Well, we hope you enjoyed those, and hope that none of our gentle readers 
hurt themselves laughing too hard.  Meanwhile, stay tuned for our regularly 
scheduled Playtrek Gazette, featuring the Top Ten punchlines to dirty jokes 
about Playmates Star Trek figures, like the old  favorite: 

"So she says to Locutus, "Whoa, lover-Borg, keep those nanites to yourself." 

That is all.