Playtrek Gazette August 1999, Part II EditorPlaytrek : John Contact us at: playtrek@hotmail.com PLAYTREK ROCKS! by John Tired of his summer and after school jobs of flipping burgers and slinging shakes at fast food joints, Playtrekker Ted "LilQuestie" Nichols has joined the ranks of budding entrepeneurs offering Playtrek-related merchandise. Prepare yourselves for: Playtrek Rocks! Said LilQuestie: "What I'm offering here is really a unique product, that should appeal to most of the avid Playtrekkers on the list. It is, in it's basic form, a cobble-sized rock with the words "Playtrek Rules!" stenciled onto it in vibrant, fade-resistant ink. A deluxe version is also available with the same motto sandblast-etched into the rock for lasting value. Plus, an autographed version limited edition, with my own signature, is also available. They are durable, multi-functional, and just fun to be around. I don't know who wouldn't want one." According to LilQuestie, sales have been brisk. "So far it has been a great success. We did have a few returns early on, though. Unfortunately, these were returned by being heaved through the front plate glass window of my house. BigQuestie was less than thrilled, to say the least. Once I pay for the windows, though, and get back in the black ink, I think this will be a great fundraiser to help Roberto pay for the Playtrek list costs." TARGET PLANS HUGE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN FOR STARFLEET COMMAND EXCLUSIVES! Well, that is what we wish we would hear. Instead, Target is running a few magazine advertisements and planning on running a contest with prizes worth approximately $154.76 on the block. Hardly the advertising campaign needed to boost interest in the flagging Trek line of Target exclusives. Where is the excitement? The showmanship? The splendid excess of, as the Tick says "Corporate America trying to sell us its wretched things"? At the very least, teach the Target team members that it is "Star Trek", not "Star Track" or "Star Wars". Polling our own cadre of advertising and public relations professionals, we came up with the following list of special events to spice up the Destination: Starfleet Command ad campaign and celebrate the release of each assortment of figures: *Kirk in Environmental Suit and Seven of Nine in brown outfit: We're thinking William Shatner, Jeri Ryan, a forklift and a big tub of jello should create enough excitement. Added bonus if they can get Heather Locklear and Adrian Zmed from "TJ Hooker" and those wierd bug-aliens from "Dark Skies"to show up as well. *Data and Seven of Nine: No holds kick-boxing match. Borg vs. Android. May the better machine win. *Borg Twin Pack: "Be a Borg" campaign. Pop rivet mechanical parts to customers. *Nurse Christine Chapel and Captain Jean-Luc Picard in jacket: All Target staff have to wear see-through pants for as long as these figures are on the shelf. *William Riker in Movie Uniform and Deanna Troi in Movie Uniform: Bubble Bath and Shaving Party. All adult collectors welcome. *The Tholian Web Translucent Captain Kirk in Environmental Suit and Mr. Spock: Shatner again. In Environmental Suit. This time swinging around from the ceiling of the store by a bungie cord around his chest while singing some of his greatest cover versions of hits from the psychedelic sixties. While Mr. Nimoy recites poetry from his epic "I am not Spock" book: "I am not Spock, Spock I am not Feel my typecast pain. Feel my pain, feel my pain. Ouwwiiiieeee" *Data as Sherlock Holmes and Geordi LaForge as Watson: Have a "Find the Star Trek peg" mystery contest in each store. *Lieutenant (JG) Reginald Barclay and Counselor Deanna Troi: Bathtub theme again with the stars. This time with Ms. Sirtis metamorphosing into an amphibian and Mr. Schultz devolving into a spider-head. Good Halloween tie-in. Big sale on bug spray and pet care products. *Captain James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock from "A Piece of the Action": The Grand Finale. Shatner and Kirk, wearing Gangster togs, visiting each store, bursting through the front door with Tommy guns blazing. TOY FAIRE WEST Our correspondents recently attended the Toy Faire West convention in beautiful San Diego, California. Like it's larger New York cousin, this toy expo is primarily a chance for licensors and licensees to meet and show retailers the new, mid-year adjustments to their toy lines. We caught up with one of the newer Star Trek licensees, Toys That Preach. Here is an excerpt of our conversation: Playtrek Gazette (PG): Tell us about Toys That Preach and your involvement with Star Trek. Toys That Preach (TTP): We are a progressive toy company devoted to producing ecologically sound and politically correct toys that are free of violence, prejudice and other icky things. We are proud to be offering a whole line of Star Trek related play items, such as those on the table. Look at this action figure, for example. PG: That looks like a stick. TTP: Well it is. Harvested from ecologically sustainable hardwood forests by indigenous people of that region. PG: Well, that's cool. But it still looks like a stick. TTP: Part of our philosophy is to empower the child to embrace his or her imagination and use it to its maximum potential. You see a stick. I see one of the peaceful, agrarian inhabitants of that, ummm, peaceful planet that Vaal took care of. PG: You mean the episode with David Soul in it? And the exploding rocks and the poisonous plants that shoot map pins? Let me try those sticks: "Hey, Starsky. It's me. Hutch. Let's rough up some bad guys". "I'm not Hutch, I'm Spock." "Well, Spock, look out for that plant." PHHHEEEEEET. "Ouch, it shot me in the chest". ZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP! "Double ouch. Been hit in the back with lightning now!" "Someone's gonna pay for this, Starsky Spock." "I'll say, Hutch." TTP: Gimme those. Non-violence, remember. PG: Oh, yeah. What about those? Those, ummm, bigger sticks. TTP: Ahhh, yes. These can be digging tools used by gentle farmers or philosopher's walking sticks or.... PG: Or phaser rifles. "Pow, pow, pow". Or lightsabers. "Whack, whack, whack. Take that Daddy Darth. And prepare to say goodbye to that hand!" TTP: Alright. Gimme that and get out. NOW. PG: OK. OK. Quit hitting me with that stick. Hey, now you're getting the idea. Ouch. Ouch. Next issue we'll report on other booths from this cool trade show.