Playtrek Gazette April, 1998, Part 2 Editor du Jour: John Contributors to this Issue: The Magnificent Aphid, Joan, Ted, Andrew, AndyNova, Dorian and some guy named Curtis Contact us at: playtrek@hotmail.com Welcome to the second part of the April issue, chock full of fine stories from some of this generations finest writers. Including a bootlegged version of Dorian Potter's Mirror, Mirror contest entry. Not only was his entry deemed worthy Playtrek Gazette material, he also made fun of us, virtually insuring his story a place in the latest issue. No longer can he claim immunity. He has been assimilated into the ranks of the Playtrek Gazette staff. Remember, story contributions are always welcome. MUSIC FOR STAR TREK TOY LOVERS - Roberto & Joan Encino, California - It had to happen. There have been CDs dedicated to Saturday Morning Cartoons, a CD dedicated to that pig's head food product called scrapple, and a CD dedicated to the Bill Clinton's Ken Starr harrassment fund-- why not a CD dedicated to Star Trek toys? Why, indeed! January 1999, several international superstars gathered in a small studio in Burbank, California to record songs of praise and condemnation about those little Star Trek shaped lumps of plastic we call toys. These Playtrek Gazette reporters were lucky enough to speak with each of the artists at the recording session and discuss their songs on the album. Sheryl Crow - "You're My Favorite Mistake" - "Well, the truth is," she said, "I was really inspired by those Next Generation transporter figures. Sure, the costumes on those toys was bass-ackwards, but hey, I liked it better than the original stuff, you know. Really cool. I changed the lyrics a bit on the version for the toys, though: 'Did ya know, could ya know, you weren't the only one, that they ever flubbed. Everything so wrong...'" Nine Inch Dolls - "Help Me I'm In Hell","Something I Can Never Have" - Using the pseudonym Nine Inch Dolls, the band Nine Inch Nails, being of kindred spirit with Playtrekkers, have been the main promoter of this CD. Trent Reznor, lead singer, dedicated his song "Help Me I'm In Hell" to long time fan Bill Eggler. In honor of the 1701 fiasco, they added the tune "Something I Can Never Have". In their live performance of these songs the group destroys the Paramount stage prop of a shuttle-craft. When asked why, they answered "No big deal, they can just replicate another one!". Traveling Wilburys - "Handle With Care" - Wilbury member and ex-Beatle, George Harrison shared his thoughts. "Well, this song was inspired by an auction I won off eBay. I'd won a Command edition Kirk 9-inch doll for $158. And would you believe the guy shipped it to me in a stupid manila envelope!? Well, needless to say, when it arrived, it was all banged up. I really wasn't pleased as it supposed to have been a gift for me chum, Tom Petty. But the weasel that sold it to me wouldn't return my emails. I finally left a bad notice about him and wrote this song. "Been beat up and battered around..." Offspring - "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" - Dude! That Locutus figure is so cool! How could we *not* do a song about it. On a personal note: Robert Porter, founder of Playtrek, was rendered speechless today as he watched ELO perform their song for the album. Jeff Lynne (bandleader of Electric Light Ochestra): "We were happy to perform for the album. Robert has been one of our favorite fans for years. In fact the song for the album is his favorite: 'Evil Woman' which is a reference to the Intendant Kira action figure." This reporter (Joan) heard Jeff thanking Robert for the way he handled the DeAlbequerque interview and the "Trouser Gnome Incident". Perhaps I can find out more about that later. :) "All in all, we believe that the CD will be a great success! We are hoping that through music the plight of Playtrek and their love of Star Trek toys will be heard." Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson - "Costa Mesa, California" - Kicking back in Willie Nelson's not-yet-taken-by-the-IRS efficiency apartment, the duo share their thoughts on the song. "We re-recorded our hit song, 'Luchenbach, Texas' with a slight change of lyrics to pay homage to Playmates Toys. It's a story about a man who wants to enjoy the simple life of Star Trek toys. And, of course, Costa Mesa, California is the headquarters for the makers of Star Trek toys: Playmates Toys. Here's a sample of the chorus: 'Let's go to Costa Mesa, California, Mara and Overley and the boys, This successful life we're livin's got us feuding for the Picards and Dress McCoys.'" When it was pointed out that Chris Overley, former head of the Star Trek line at Playmates Toys, was no longer with the company, Willie Nelson said, "DOH! Dang short-term memory is completely gone these days." Korn - "Freak On a Leash" - A great Heavy Metal band from CA took time off of their touring to perform their new song "Freak On A Leash". Johnathan Davis, the vocalist for the band, is a big time fan of DS9's Colm Meaney. All the band members tease Johnathan for carrying around the Tosk action figure from the episode "Captive Pursuit". "I just love that little guy on a leash," stated Davis, "It is one of the things that inspired our song." The Chieftains - "Mo Ghile Mear" or "Our Hero" - a tribute to Colm Meaney dolls. A disturbance broke out between band members of Korn and The Chieftains over who's song should go on the album. The Chieftains stated, "Meaney is from our part of the world! He is very big in Ireland. It should be our song. Korn stated, "Hey man, like, Star Trek teaches love and kindness and stuff. We just want to do our song. Fortunately for the studio, our own Robert Porter settled the matter. The Chieftains' song "Mo Ghile Mear", a tribute to Meaney and his dolls, and Korn's song "Freak On A Leash", a tribute to the episode "Captive Pursuit" and the Tosk action figure, will be included on the album. "That's our Robert. He has put an end to more than one flame war," Reporter Joan told the studio. Selena - "Amor Prohibo (Forbidden Love)" - A previously unreleased track, before her untimely death, Selena recorded alternate lyrics to her 1994 Tejano hit. The new lyrics, all in Spanish, are a steamy dedication to the barrel chested Worf and his various plastic representations. Selena, of course, was unavailable for comment. This reporter (Roberto) however was a bit surprised by the previously unknown Spanish translations for "Klingon", "Star Trek" and "limited edition". Presidents of the United States - "Lump" - This one's dedicated to that "lump" of marketing genius: the Mutated Tom Paris! Here's a sampling of the lyrics: "Lump sat alone in a scuffed up card, totally unwanted except for his parts, lump got the name of Paris in Pajamas, everyone laughs at him, he looks like a piranha, He's lump! He's lump! He's on my peg! He's lump! He's lump! His sales are dead!" BeeGees - "Bald Headed Woman" - The Brothers Gibb were also present at the recording studio. They are doing a remake of their '78 hit "More Than A Woman". The song title has been changed to "Bald Headed Woman" in honor of Persis Khambatta, the actress who played Ilia of TMP. Barry Gibb, leader of the BeeGees said, "We are not big Star Trek fans, but on a trip to see friends in Australia, we saw TMP with Ian. We all fell in love with Persis immediately. Ian gave us this to remember her by." Gibb held up a loose Ilia action figure to show it off. Mariah Carey - "Fantasy" - In homage to all the unmade toys that will forever remain a dream, such as the Enterprise-A, Weyoun and M-113 Salt Vampire, Carey has contributed this song. "Don't get me wrong," says Carey, "I'm really grateful for the toys we've gotten. Who would have ever thought they'd ever make a toy of Harry Mudd. But along the way, there were also several missed opportunities. It's a shame, really. So I dedicate this song to all those unmade toys that could've been, if only..." Carey broke down in tears and declined further comment. On a more romantic note: Linda Ronstadt was very excited to get together once again with Nelson Riddle and his Orchestra to pay tribute to Johnathan Frakes (William Riker). "I fell in love with Frakes," Linda stated, "when he starred in 'North and South'. I was absolutely riddled with delight to see him on Star Trek. Not only is he tall, dark, and handsome, but he loves big band and jazz. What more could a girl ask for?" She will be performing "I've Got A Crush On You" and "You Go To My Head. A special Trombone solo will be included in each song. Privately, Ms. Ronstadt told this reporter (Joan) that my cohort (Robert Porter) looked very much like Frakes. I told her Robert has eyes only for his lovely wife. ;) These Gazette reporters will never hear these songs the same again. Look for the CD in stores by Christmas 1999. CHILD'S PLAY MOVIE IN REAL LIFE-TULSA, OKLAHOMA, USA - Ted Christopher Doyle, Local Toy Collector, and Expert Writer has been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Syndrome. Mr. Doyle, recently purchased a DATHON with POG figure, available only in Australia. Upon arrival of this figure, his wife said, a yellow light emitted from the figure and entered Chris. From this time since she has said he has become possessed, and crazed. Mrs. Doyle, recently left the premises until this problem is solved. Mr. Doyle, seems to be scaring people, upon walking anywhere or going anywhere, people are running and screaming in horror. One runner was recently quoted as saying "That crazy evil man is going to possess me, Oh crap, here he comes, bye." Doctors believe the only way to cure this problem is for him to surrender all of his Toy Collection to Kevin Moore, the Canadian Toy Collector. However Kevin, recently stated he will not take these in fear of being possessed also. Chances of solving this problem do not look good, since no one is willing to give or take. The figures must go to Mr. Moore says Scientists, and that's the only way. Kevin Moore recently changed Phone Number and Address, from being constantly harassed by Mrs. Doyle, wanting her husband to be normal again. We were unable to contact Mr. Moore, and believe he is hiding in Vaduz Liechtenstein. Chris Doyle, remains evil and possessed. Updates on his condition will be made available as they are available.